Look. Let’s you and I get something straight before we go any further.
I am not a foofy mama. Or a hoochie mama. I am not a snaggle tooth. Nor am I someone who passes along fuzzy hearts. I am not a boxer, wrestler or tough broad. I am not a brain or a smart ass or a dumb ass. I am not a city girl or country gal. I’m not stuck and I’m not going anywhere soon. Nor am I lost or found or looking. I am where I am and I am always somewhere else.
I am all of the above. And I am a citizen of the world.
If this makes no sense to you? Whatever. Sometimes I’ve just got to put shit down that makes sense to only me.
Somehow. Somehow this is my way of saying I’m passing along an award to some of my favorite bloggers today.
There are about 4 things that bring me back to a blog time after time. The #1 thing? That their shit is interesting to read. And I don’t mean interesting in the way of it giving my noggin a little tingle or some fucked up trivial information.
I mean interesting in a way that gets me hunched over my computer reading and wondering and thinking and sometimes shaking my head in disgust or amazement. Something that makes me laugh so hard that I can’t read for a few seconds. Something that’s like a car wreck: I don’t want to look, but just gotta. Something that interrupts me later in the day with a thought. A concept. A laugh to myself. A complaint or condition. An idea.
That’s what I mean by,
Their shit is interesting to read.
Well then? What encompasses numbers 2, 3 and 4, Mongoliangirl?
you might ask.
To that I say,
I have no fuckin’ idea. Please deal with that as well.
But, you know. If you could actually see me give you that answer you would know from looking at my face, by the way I kind of look away from you as I say it, that I actually know what numbers 2, 3 and 4 are all about. But that I’m just not up for letting you into that space right now.
Deal with that too.
I got a blog award from A Free Man the other day. I never know what to do with shit like that because I have a problem with being humble. Humility in my world is all about acceptance. Acceptance that I, just like everyone else, consist of assets so amazing that they can change a life for the better, liabilities so grave that they can destroy one, and everything in between.
Out of all of that stuff about humility? I do best when looking at my own liabilities and everything in between. When it comes to the rest? The assets. I’d rather keep that to myself.
This ‘keep it to myself shit’ when it comes to assets? I sat in meetings last week that included a dear friend of mine from Greece. He said this,
You Americans are strange. This whole notion about that thing you call “not tooting your own horn”. This is a foreign idea to us Greeks. When we have good information we announce that we have it. We share it. When we see someone holding back good information we call that false modesty. That is what it is. False. Fake. False and fake are never good.
A Free Man: Because he truly is a free man. And only a free man could write about tender moments with his son, his amazement of his wife, football, music, and strands of DNA all on the same fuckin’ blog and manage, with every word of it, to keep a noggin’ like mine coming back for more. Because his brain is bigger than mine. Because he called me a commie. Because he calls the state of Missouri ‘Misery’ and it doesn’t make me want to slap him.
Dirty Pirate Hooker: Because the first time I read her blog I thought it was being written by an oversexed 14 year old boy. Because even if she calls her daughter ‘Punk’, she’d die and leave us all for that girl. Because she calls me a whore and manages to get away with it. Because she makes me laugh. Because she makes me want to kick anybody’s ass who might even consider being mean to her. Because even though she writes like she couldn’t give a shit, she probably gives a bigger shit than all of us combined.
BlueStreak: Because she doesn’t think she’s very funny, but always…always…makes me laugh while I’m reading and later in the day when I’m thinking about what she wrote. Because she’s braver than I am on her blog. Because she gets away with saying ‘fuck’ better than I do. Because she seems like someone who would tell me to go fuck myself if I tried to whine. Because she writes quick, smart, compact posts that wrap me up, throw me around, and then spit me out to figure it out for myself.
Rassles: Because she can’t believe she says, “You’ve been Rasslefied!” Because she lets herself get swept up into things even though her #1 goal seems to be not getting swept up into things. Because when she cares about something enough, she wants to hit stuff. Because, just when I think I’m going to pass out from her shenanigans, she says something so smart that I find myself pondering it later in the day. Because I think I would like to set her free out here on our little ranch just to see what happens.
Mountain Lover: Because she makes me care about her dating practices. And, I assure you, I don’t give a shit about anybody’s dating practices. Because when she writes “fuckityfuckfuckfuck” I can see her trying desperately to wrench open a door that is stuck. Because she is brave enough to share about everything, big and small, that is kicking her ass right now. Because she is not trying to convince anyone of anything. Because she is so confused that she’s right on target. Because I wrote, “I believe in love”, in the comments section of her blog and she got it.
Lola: Because, without knowing it, she taught me how to blog. Because she’s a total hooker on her blog, but it all comes off like she’s just talking about raising her giant 5 year old and baking cookies. Because I only know 3 women on the face of this earth who could soundly kick my ass…and she may be #4. Because she writes bravely. Because she writes often. Because she gets all up in my face when I’m reading her stuff and makes me feel like I should answer a few questions about myself. Because I get the feeling she could handle it if I said, “Hey! Let’s go to a war torn country and figure a few things out!”
Mr. Kismet: Mr. Kismet does not have a blog. Mr. Kismet is the name I have given to the ageless and brilliant gentleman I sat beside yesterday on the plane. Mr. Kismet is getting a blog award because he is like a walking, talking, breathing blog of the best kind. From the moment he kind of stumbled around as he was trying to get his carry on into the compartment above his seat, he was talking to me. He was asking me things. He was sharing details about himself and the world that made me listen. Bristle. Think. Rebel. Laugh. Gain interest in the world. Feel at ease with the fact that we are all simultaneously knowledgeable and clueless. Mr. Kismet is receiving a blog award because his “posts” during our flight were clear, concise, honest, vexing, and have made me think with my guts. Which is something I’ve been needing to do.
Oh, jeeeeesus, woman! If I taught you how to blog, who the hell taught me? I’ve been just fumbling around in the dark shadowboxing for eight months, so you might not want to pay much attention to anything I do from here on out. I just speak my truth, so there’s not much thought behind it all.
I think you’re doing just fine on your own, Monkey (ooh, I think I’m going to call you Monkey now. Mongo, Monkey? Hmmm, which one do I like better? I’ll let you know.)
I also think you are very brave in your writing and in the way you live your life. I’d totally go anywhere to try to straighten things out with you, my friend. It would be a scene! They’d be laughing so hard that they wouldn’t even know that we were controlling their every move…
Listen, you know exactly how I feel about these awards, and you also know that I’d pass one to you every time I get one, because I think you kick ass.
I feel they deserve to be acknowledged, especially when they come from a blogstress I truly respect.
Thanks, Love Monkey
dude, you had me at that first, indented, paragraph. i cut and pasted it and if i was less moral, i would steal it as my own. instead, i am emailing to my mom and my sisters and my husband as if to say, that’s would i say…
false and fake are never good. i know this. i need to be reminded. you did it.
Sometimes you have me laughing so hard, I can’t breathe. Others, you blow my mind with something that seems so simple, yet most of us don’t get it (like with the false modesty thing). And then there are times where you make me blush and go “heeee.”
And don’t go thinking this is false modesty or fake or anything. Because, seriously, I was waiting for the day when someone recognized genius in me.
Okay, seriously, you just made my day, which is good because it was a little rough there for a while.
I’m one of those who needs to be reminded that the worst thing we can do is hide ourselves and try to impress others, because inevitably we never measure up and then we rob the world of the unique creations we are. It’s much easier to do in a blog than it is in person.
Now I’m all mushy so I’m going to go drink my beer and watch some TV for a while.
P.S. Today at work when I was in a rush, trying to get a pleading ready for court and the copier messed up, I did in fact say, “Fuckityfuckfuckfuck!”
Hey, thanks! The five years I spent in Columbia were absolutely great, so I call it Misery out of love. That Greek you quoted got me thinking. I worry that I’m bragging when I talk about how good life is, that I’m bigging myself up so to speak. In fact, I’ve restrained myself from posting about something this week for fear that people would be all “That Free Man tosser, he’s just braggity all the time.” But that point about false modesty is a great one.
As for my brain, I don’t think it’s bigger than yours at’all. You’ve been in the rooms for a decade or so longer than me which means that you’re a decade or so smarter than me!
Free man. . . some of us actually like to hear about good shit happening to members of the human race. I say carry on!
Lola: I know. These awards are a strange lot, eh? But I do like this one. And, that first paragraph in your comment? You need to go back and read the quote from the Greek. Or at least take a fuckin’ compliment! Damn!
MsPicket: Borrow away darlin’. And I’m glad you’re moral about it, or I might have to send Lola over to kick your cute little boo-tay! Fake and false. Not always as easy to recognize as I would wish them to be. You certainly get right past all of that on your blog. xoxo
MntnLover: Fuckityfuckfuckfuck! Thanks for the nice things you said about The Cusp! And that thing about, ‘it’s much easier to in a blog…” Might I suggest living as if you’re blogging about it? Go forth you little genius you! Go forth with your blogging voice on!
AFreeMan: Uh oh! Looks like Hellbilly is expecting you to toot your own horn. And, the nice thing about that? He’s one of the best people in the world when it comes to celebrating another person’s accomplishments. Start sharing over there on your smarty pants blog and I suspect you will have a Hellbilly complimenting you for doing it. And, about more time in the rooms making me smarter than you? You and I both know that only equates to more experience. Don’t go gettin’ your DNA strand into an extra twist about that my friend.
Oh, and FreeMan. You have got to stop explaining that ‘commie’ and ‘Misery’ shit. Seriously. It’s hilarious!
Your brain is amazing.
And thank you for being, you know, like…shit. Awards make me stuttery. So, thank you for having an amazing brain. Your blog equals love, too.
I’m continually impressed by your sincere articulation after all that chaotic mumbo jumbo in your head comes out. Love it.
ps: Where is Mr. Kismet? I want more of him. You there. Tell story.
Rassles: Awards ARE so strange, eh? I’ve had a few before this but had no idea what to do about it. So I just ignored them. Who knows my freaky little brainiac friend, maybe I’ll make up an awards page. Maybe. Mr. Kismet…wow. There is absolutely a story there that I feel will post after it has run the mumbo jumbo gamut.
So? Are you going to let us set you free on our little ranch just to see what happens or what?
Are you sure it’s safe to have me wandering around down there? Sometimes I break things.
Rassles: If you get too out of hand we’ll just convince you to stand beside the donkey and poke your finger in his side real hard or something. That little SOB is like River Dance on crack when shit like that happens. You’ll be whipped right back into shape and fully convinced you can only break little things.
Listen, Monkey, I can take a compliment, so I don’t need to go re-read the Greek speak. I’m just worried for anyone who thinks I know what I’m doing.
Now, I think I’ll go grab me a Greek salad. I’m starving.
Lola: Well darlin’…you’re just going to have to worry about your little Monkey then. And, just to make you squirm a little bit more, here’s a big (((((HUG)))))!!!!! Yakkity Schmackity!
Awwwwwwww, thank you beef curtain!!!!
Now I REALLY feel like shit that I wasn’t able to get that post to you before you fucking left.
All right, I give up! Was it as good for you as it was for me?
Oh please you whore! Are you kidding? If you WOULD have gotten it done with everthing that’s been going on with Punk I would have totally shanked your utterly skank ass. Oh, speaking of shanking ho’s, we are on our way to Chicago. Need anyone shanked up there?
Ahhhhh Lola! Absolutely fantastic. Hey, you got a cigarette?
I´m all choked up…thanks, Mongoliangirl!!!! Sweet words.
Bluestreak: No…no…I’M all choked up! Damnit Bluestreak! I AM! OK…seriously…thanks for being so brave on your blog. I’ve got a road to travel to get THERE. Thanks! And, want me to (((((hug))))) you like I did Lola so I can have another cigarette?
[...] of blog awards lately. Thanks to Father Muskrat, Strange Scottish Girl, My Boyfriend Is A Pirate, Mongolian Girl, and Trooper Thorn (though his was misguided). Thanks a lot to these guys and all of you that take [...]